Grey Would be the Color

The grey of my heart shines gold when reflected in proper light.

Pure light.

Honest light.

These chains I’ve bound myself with loosen their cold grip when embraced by the warmth of this place

Light so unique it burns intensely dark

Dark enough to frighten away imposters

Yes, I am alone… perhaps I always was

A little girl with a dark soul

Beautifully blackened by depth and meaning

Perception and wisdom

I was not the mistake

Yours was the mistake, IS the mistake, but

the mistake is not me

was never me

(if only this I could believe)

but your choice to walk away into the seductive light of lies and deceit

leaving me beneath a veil of darkness,

enshrouded by my own broken origins

Broken beginnings

Broken middles

Broken endings

Broken… everything is broken

Shattered pieces on the floor

Bleeding… that’s how you left me

Bleeding on the ground

Blood flowing into the heart of my Mother

Blood feeding the corrupted need of my mother

Blood spilling from veins that are ancestral rivers

Broken. Bleeding. Forgotten. Needing.

And you never even paused to see the carnage in your wake

Did you?

You never considered that the dark depths of recessed light born of love so raw it became hate would break through the broken hallows left for dead

Did you?

You expected me to die, torn apart and beaten down

You expected me to die

like the abortion you failed to complete…

if you hurt me enough, I’d be my own ending and you’d be the perfect victim

Didn’t you?

And the hardest part to swallow, as I choke on bitter tears of realization and blood swelling from my stomach

Is that the hate in me

is love for you

the bitter bile of love unrequited.